Am I the border collie? I think about this. Mom is a stock dog trainer. How many people, ( not to mention dogs) don't understand what it is to be a working dog? They are different than any other kind of dog on the planet. They think differently. They usually don't even get along with other dogs, unless they are herders too. They have a specific job.
Not that other breeds of dogs don't have jobs. Imortant jobs. They all have to be able to snuggle with their owner, protect their family, sleep on the deck. Some of them run, some guide blind people, some hunt. They are all important. But... none of them understand the border collie.
I feel like I am the border collie. No one here understands me. I've tried to just be like every one else but I can't... I'm not. My giftings are just a little bit different. My heart has a purpose that is just a little bit different.
Can a border collie learn to survive with a group of labs? I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. Every day feels a little longer. I'm fighting depression. I'm longing for the freedom to run in a trial, and gracefully herd the sheep to where they are supposed to be.
Two months.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
knight
Life really hasn't slowed down at all. I feel like all life does is pick up speed and leave me reeling, desperately reeling, trying so hard to catch up with it. Everyone wants more from me. I'm not spending enough time with the " community" I'm not available enough. I can't work enough shifts. I am not sharing my rock of a husband ( to be) enough. It's crazy. It's ridiculous. I want out of this bubble place, this fake, false existence.
Yesterday we got heck for hugging in public. In what strange phase of the universe to adults who are getting married get in trouble for hugging? I assure you, it was a completely appropriate hug. I laid my head on his shoulder. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like the world is out to get me.
BUT THEN, last night my hubby made me so happy it was unbelievable. Someone was accusing me of not trying to make new freind ships with the girls, and I was having a really hard time sticking up for myself.
So Travis did it for me. He told her that it is not my fault that the girls don't know what it means to be a realy christian and they talk about me behind my back. He said that I cry every night, so why would I want to spend time with the people who are doing this to me? He said that if anyone so much as blamed anything on me once more he would take what's left of our tuition and we would leave. He asked her why she would expect me to be the only vulnerable one in a room full of hypocrites.
He was my knight in shining armour! It was amazing!
Yesterday we got heck for hugging in public. In what strange phase of the universe to adults who are getting married get in trouble for hugging? I assure you, it was a completely appropriate hug. I laid my head on his shoulder. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like the world is out to get me.
BUT THEN, last night my hubby made me so happy it was unbelievable. Someone was accusing me of not trying to make new freind ships with the girls, and I was having a really hard time sticking up for myself.
So Travis did it for me. He told her that it is not my fault that the girls don't know what it means to be a realy christian and they talk about me behind my back. He said that I cry every night, so why would I want to spend time with the people who are doing this to me? He said that if anyone so much as blamed anything on me once more he would take what's left of our tuition and we would leave. He asked her why she would expect me to be the only vulnerable one in a room full of hypocrites.
He was my knight in shining armour! It was amazing!
Friday, February 02, 2007
good
Today is shaping up beautifully! Class was great, really encouraging. Although it was really hard to take time to study, I loved the way he taught and the simple, Godly principles in Proverbs. I esspecuially loved today when he talked about children and how many children are a blessing from God. Travis and I decided we want as many as God will give us! Why not trust him?
I'm looking forward to the weekend. Today we are heading out to see my grandparents, and tomorro I work early, at 7:00 am. Then Sunday we are helping a mature student here, Dave, move. All in all it should be a great weekend, and I am feeling encouraged and close to Jesus.
Good to feel good. Better to know everything is good.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. Today we are heading out to see my grandparents, and tomorro I work early, at 7:00 am. Then Sunday we are helping a mature student here, Dave, move. All in all it should be a great weekend, and I am feeling encouraged and close to Jesus.
Good to feel good. Better to know everything is good.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
gotta fix that.
So, life continues. It's not in a bad direction... at all. I love life. Today was a good day. Sometimes the mix of feminine hormones, and the stress of balancing ( or at least attempting to) school work, friend time, my relationship with my hubby, work, and the masses of wedding planning leave me feeling like the roof will cave in. But it doesn't. I keep going. Remembering that we only have 108 days until I am married, and will never have to share living space with 35 girls ever again, seems to help me maintain some amount of sanity.
Spats. Conflict. Controversy. I am not good at them. I put up a facade. A mask, if you will. The tough cowgirl. The one who can take on the world. I may be little but I'm strong. Then, I try to back up my big tough claims with a vast amount of picking tiny little fights. Silly ones. Giving someone heck when really it doesn't even matter to me. Or when the person doesn't matter to me. But when something really matters I have such a hard time. I would rather swallow the hurt and not say anything. So my anxiety builds. It eats me. I think I am so afraid of people not liking me, or of people loving me less because I actually stated my feelings, that I hurt myself.
I've gotta fix that.
Spats. Conflict. Controversy. I am not good at them. I put up a facade. A mask, if you will. The tough cowgirl. The one who can take on the world. I may be little but I'm strong. Then, I try to back up my big tough claims with a vast amount of picking tiny little fights. Silly ones. Giving someone heck when really it doesn't even matter to me. Or when the person doesn't matter to me. But when something really matters I have such a hard time. I would rather swallow the hurt and not say anything. So my anxiety builds. It eats me. I think I am so afraid of people not liking me, or of people loving me less because I actually stated my feelings, that I hurt myself.
I've gotta fix that.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
109 days
So, I am slightly less angry now.
Funny what forgiveness does. I decided that if I pour myself into our wedding, the time will go faster.
Maybe I could make a scrapbook of both of our lives when we were younger... or something like that. There are lots of details to pull together. The time will pass. There are only 109 days left till I am Mrs. Schmeelke.
Funny what forgiveness does. I decided that if I pour myself into our wedding, the time will go faster.
Maybe I could make a scrapbook of both of our lives when we were younger... or something like that. There are lots of details to pull together. The time will pass. There are only 109 days left till I am Mrs. Schmeelke.
Monday, January 29, 2007
The problem with christians.
Twice in one day. I know. I'm ridiculous.
I'm just so damn tired of hypocrisy. This potent mix of hate, hurt, anger, resentment, and a desperate longing for someone to be real... for someone to understand... or even care instead of standing in judgement of me.
Honestly, what do they know? There is a tide of happenings that they know nothing of. They don't understand the relationship... mostly because they are not part of it, and thier selfish minds want to be part of everything. How can they expect that they would understand the depth of this relationship? It is God inspired. There are secrets that have been long buried, dusty parts of my heart that I have dared to expose to Travis. Because he is trustworthy. Because he comforted me. Because I know he loves me no matter what.
And then, they expect me to explain to them... but why would I expose the hurt parts of my heart to someone who will further tear it apart? If I showed them it was still beating, instead of urging it onward, encouraging it's bravado, they would squash it under their boot.
They say the problem with christianity is the Christians. The word Christianity makes me think religion. I hate religion. I love Jesus. The wonderful thing about people who love Jesus is that they begin, over time, to resemble him. Jesus was wild. Jesus was unorthadox. Jesus broke all the wrong rules and kept all the right ones. Jesus stood out enough to change the world for eternity. The problem with bible school is the amount of people who are simply Christians, but who do not love Jesus.
productiveness
So everything is coming along nicely!
We have the church, we have the hall, I bought my dress!
This weekend Auntie Julie, mom, Julie's boys, Klay, Heather, and , all finished making the invitations. I wanted them really personal so they were tons of work. We got them ALL DONE after many, many hours of utter slave labour! We sent them to my side of the family, now I am just waiting on addresses for his side.
Sooo, after all of this slave labour we went shopping and I wound up enlisting help to get all of the favours done too! That was so exciting and the biggest relief to me. There is so much to do, but everything off my plate makes a huge difference. Invitations and favours were really stressing me because of money and time issues. One intense weekend and we have them totally dealt with! That is awesome! Thank you so much to everyone who helped!
We're trying to get some more details down pat, like the band vs. a DJ and all that jazz. I'm making little pictures for people and Travis will be in charge of the heavy duty stuff, anything made out of horseshoes or barn wood. He's so creative and good at it, I'm excited to see what he comes up with.
Elli is home from Peru now, so I have to clean up my mess and share my room again. Actually it's been pretty tidy because if I don't have at least some organisation I am honestly going to go nuts.
Please pray because there is a lot of gossip going on right now and I am finding it really hurtful. Pray I don't bash people's faces in. Just joking, please actually pray for strength and forgiveness, and that maybe someone in staff would address it. Pray that I could just let it roll off of my back instead of taking their issues personally and getting hurt by them.
Thanks I love you guys
We have the church, we have the hall, I bought my dress!
This weekend Auntie Julie, mom, Julie's boys, Klay, Heather, and , all finished making the invitations. I wanted them really personal so they were tons of work. We got them ALL DONE after many, many hours of utter slave labour! We sent them to my side of the family, now I am just waiting on addresses for his side.
Sooo, after all of this slave labour we went shopping and I wound up enlisting help to get all of the favours done too! That was so exciting and the biggest relief to me. There is so much to do, but everything off my plate makes a huge difference. Invitations and favours were really stressing me because of money and time issues. One intense weekend and we have them totally dealt with! That is awesome! Thank you so much to everyone who helped!
We're trying to get some more details down pat, like the band vs. a DJ and all that jazz. I'm making little pictures for people and Travis will be in charge of the heavy duty stuff, anything made out of horseshoes or barn wood. He's so creative and good at it, I'm excited to see what he comes up with.
Elli is home from Peru now, so I have to clean up my mess and share my room again. Actually it's been pretty tidy because if I don't have at least some organisation I am honestly going to go nuts.
Please pray because there is a lot of gossip going on right now and I am finding it really hurtful. Pray I don't bash people's faces in. Just joking, please actually pray for strength and forgiveness, and that maybe someone in staff would address it. Pray that I could just let it roll off of my back instead of taking their issues personally and getting hurt by them.
Thanks I love you guys
Monday, January 22, 2007
Changin'
Looks like things are changing again!
We are thinking very seriously about moving the wedding to may long weekend, hopefully we can get the church and the hall for that date.
Because of this, things will have to move along pretty quickly! There's going to be lots to do, and I am so excited! I'm just praying that all of the pieces will come together in time, and it will work. Otherwise we are going to have to stick with October.
We are thinking very seriously about moving the wedding to may long weekend, hopefully we can get the church and the hall for that date.
Because of this, things will have to move along pretty quickly! There's going to be lots to do, and I am so excited! I'm just praying that all of the pieces will come together in time, and it will work. Otherwise we are going to have to stick with October.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Tim Hortons
Ahh the changes that life brings our way! I recently made a brand new e mail account! travisnchandie@hotmail.com is our new wedding/joint e mail account, so we can send updates on together life, and get addresses and stuff. If you read the blog, add us!
Other than that, I just started working at Tim Hortons! Yesterday was my third full time shift. Yesterday was Saterday, and I was there at 7:00 in the morning! It was CRAZY! For the most part I loved it so much!
There was this really elderly looking lady, who had a strong english accent, who both amused and annoyed me. The line up was out past the door, and this little lady took her sweet time about ordering.
" Hello Dear what can I get for you?"
" I want a coffee" Her english accent is slowed down by the way she carefully punctuates each individual word.
" What size would you like dear?"
" A coffee."
" I'll make that a medium then. Would you like anything in that dear?"
" Of course I do." She looks at me through her droopy eyelids as though I am the reason that people on the earth are just so damn daft.
" What would you like in your coffee, maam?" By this time I am too annoyed to call her dear anymore.
" Milk. And a sugar. Not a cream, mind you, but milk. Just enough milk to fill the cup an eighth of the way." So, I hurry to grab her a china cup with a coffee with a milk and sugar. I set it carefully on the tray in front of her.
" Did you put your fingers around the top of the cup?" Every word is still slow and EVER so english.
" I'm not sure, maam, I don't think so."
" Well if you aren't sure, I want another coffee." By this time the lineup has doubled and I can see angry business men who are in a hurry, and sincerely believe that it is my fault everything is taking so long, scowl and tap their toes. I make one more coffee.
" Can I get anything else for you dear?"
" I want a tea."
" What kind of tea?"
" An earl grey tea."
" Ok, would you like anything in that tea?"
" No!" She again looks at me like I am Satan's spawn. " Just regular!" So I make her an earl grey tea. She took one look at it and I thought she might empty her stomach on my counter.
" Don't you know you ALWAYS put milk in earl grey tea? I want a new tea." So I rush to make her A NEW TEA.
" Anything else for you, maam?"
" I want a dutchie timbit." So, I get her a dutchie timbit.
" THAT"S NOT A DUTCHIE!" She scowls at me!
" It's a dutchie timbit, dear."
" I want the big one!" So, I grab her a doughnut, and ring her order through.
" Is that what it costs?"
" Yes dear."
" Well, that's RIDICULOUS!" Her voice reaches a high pitched screech I didn't know was possible.
" I'm sorry I don't make the prices, dear."
" Well!" She huffs as she grabs me a five dollar bill, and I give her the change. Then she stands for about five minutes, simply counting each penny of change to make sure I didn't steal from her.
I should have spit in her coffee.
Other than that, I just started working at Tim Hortons! Yesterday was my third full time shift. Yesterday was Saterday, and I was there at 7:00 in the morning! It was CRAZY! For the most part I loved it so much!
There was this really elderly looking lady, who had a strong english accent, who both amused and annoyed me. The line up was out past the door, and this little lady took her sweet time about ordering.
" Hello Dear what can I get for you?"
" I want a coffee" Her english accent is slowed down by the way she carefully punctuates each individual word.
" What size would you like dear?"
" A coffee."
" I'll make that a medium then. Would you like anything in that dear?"
" Of course I do." She looks at me through her droopy eyelids as though I am the reason that people on the earth are just so damn daft.
" What would you like in your coffee, maam?" By this time I am too annoyed to call her dear anymore.
" Milk. And a sugar. Not a cream, mind you, but milk. Just enough milk to fill the cup an eighth of the way." So, I hurry to grab her a china cup with a coffee with a milk and sugar. I set it carefully on the tray in front of her.
" Did you put your fingers around the top of the cup?" Every word is still slow and EVER so english.
" I'm not sure, maam, I don't think so."
" Well if you aren't sure, I want another coffee." By this time the lineup has doubled and I can see angry business men who are in a hurry, and sincerely believe that it is my fault everything is taking so long, scowl and tap their toes. I make one more coffee.
" Can I get anything else for you dear?"
" I want a tea."
" What kind of tea?"
" An earl grey tea."
" Ok, would you like anything in that tea?"
" No!" She again looks at me like I am Satan's spawn. " Just regular!" So I make her an earl grey tea. She took one look at it and I thought she might empty her stomach on my counter.
" Don't you know you ALWAYS put milk in earl grey tea? I want a new tea." So I rush to make her A NEW TEA.
" Anything else for you, maam?"
" I want a dutchie timbit." So, I get her a dutchie timbit.
" THAT"S NOT A DUTCHIE!" She scowls at me!
" It's a dutchie timbit, dear."
" I want the big one!" So, I grab her a doughnut, and ring her order through.
" Is that what it costs?"
" Yes dear."
" Well, that's RIDICULOUS!" Her voice reaches a high pitched screech I didn't know was possible.
" I'm sorry I don't make the prices, dear."
" Well!" She huffs as she grabs me a five dollar bill, and I give her the change. Then she stands for about five minutes, simply counting each penny of change to make sure I didn't steal from her.
I should have spit in her coffee.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
busy busy
So I started writing a new book today. Finally, the one I've been thinking about writing all this time and just haven't actually started yet. I'm calling it ' Soul Ties, the journey of one heartbroken.' Hopefully it will be decent! If I never do anything with it... I'm ok with that. Just so long as I get to write it; get my thoughts on paper. I like to do that.
I did orientation at Timmy ho's today. It was pretty neat. I got to drink some free coffee ( hooray!), and learn a little bit about the franchise. Sounds like it'll be a pretty good job for a while. I'm just excited for the extra income. Well... and maybe the coffee.
It'll be interesting trying to balance time with my honey, class time, work ( about 25-30 hours a week), homework, and of course, sleep. Hopefully if I am disciplined it will work well. I guess learning to be disciplined is a good idea anyways.
Well, speaking of discipline, I should go do hooommmeeework.
Love ya all
I did orientation at Timmy ho's today. It was pretty neat. I got to drink some free coffee ( hooray!), and learn a little bit about the franchise. Sounds like it'll be a pretty good job for a while. I'm just excited for the extra income. Well... and maybe the coffee.
It'll be interesting trying to balance time with my honey, class time, work ( about 25-30 hours a week), homework, and of course, sleep. Hopefully if I am disciplined it will work well. I guess learning to be disciplined is a good idea anyways.
Well, speaking of discipline, I should go do hooommmeeework.
Love ya all
Monday, January 15, 2007
I got the job!
So, one more week at bible school has begun! This week we are taking missions, and I actually think I will enjoy the class. The instructor asked us to write a 2000 word paper. I got really excited because that sounds like english! I miss the challenge of good writing, precisely done. Hopefully the book we are supposed to write the paper on is decent!
I am thinking that after we move to Lethbridge I might decide to take some journalism over the net. I really do love writing. I don't know if I am that good at it... but one can always improve I suppose. It's something I can do to make a little extra money while I homeschool our kids, and hopefully I will be able to tutor other homeschooled kids as well! Joyce told me that she thought it would be amazing if I did... and I talked to Travis about it. He was really encouraging. Maybe I should?
Also... I GOT THE JOB! Hooray! I don't know why I was so worried about it, maybe because I was up front and told the owner that I will only be able to be here until April. But she is starting me tomorro. The money will help a lot, and as much as I love school, I am really looking forward to the chance to get away and spend some tme somewhere else on a regular basis.
God is faithful, always! Hooray again!
I am thinking that after we move to Lethbridge I might decide to take some journalism over the net. I really do love writing. I don't know if I am that good at it... but one can always improve I suppose. It's something I can do to make a little extra money while I homeschool our kids, and hopefully I will be able to tutor other homeschooled kids as well! Joyce told me that she thought it would be amazing if I did... and I talked to Travis about it. He was really encouraging. Maybe I should?
Also... I GOT THE JOB! Hooray! I don't know why I was so worried about it, maybe because I was up front and told the owner that I will only be able to be here until April. But she is starting me tomorro. The money will help a lot, and as much as I love school, I am really looking forward to the chance to get away and spend some tme somewhere else on a regular basis.
God is faithful, always! Hooray again!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
blessings
Ahhh, mostly a lazy sunday. I have an interview at 5:30, so hopefully that goes well, and then I get to go on a date with my fiance! It's wonderful! I have my fingers crossed about the whole interview thing. It will be so nice to have a little bit of extra cash!
This whole money sharing thing seems to come really easily. I love having someone to share stuff with. It isn't that I want to have his... not at all. I am just really enjoying being able to talk to Travis about it, decide things together. I like being able to hand him my money and know that he will take care of it. Or I love knowing that if I need anything he will take care of it. There will be so many wonderful things about the sharing aspect of marriage. I am really looking forward to that.
So I think that I found my dress. It is seriously absolutely beautiful. I was so worried abount money stuff, that I wouldn't find one that I like that I could afford! But yesterday mom and I went shopping, and this dress was hanging on a rack in the bridal boutique. It looked gorgeous so I tried it on. It is exactly what I had in mind. Absolutely beautiful. It has a fitted top, with laces up both sides, and a bottom that is just slightly poofy, and has little gathers in it. I fell in love with it. Esspecially when they popped a tiara and veil on my head. I still felt a little bit like I was playing dress up. They wanted to help me with everything! The dresses are heavy, so I wanted mom to come and do the zipper up for me. Instead the lady who owns the boutique came in and zipped it up! I was like " Ahhhh I've got skimpy underwear on here, lady!" But she didn't seem to care too much. Anyways, we will go shopping in Edmonton to see if I find something better. But... I have a funny feeling that's the dress.
God has funny ways of looking after us in every way you know. When I sit back and look at all the little details in my life, the stuff I didn't think God would care about.... that have been perfectly taken care of; I am absolutely amazed! First off, of course, there is Travis. God could not have possible given me someone more perfect for me. He is amazing. He fits with me, with my family... he has a firm faith in God, he cares about me so much. The list really could go on and on. Then there is his family. I was SO nervous to meet them! They are amazing! I want his sister to stand up with me! I am so excited! I love his whole family, each and every one of them! Then, there was the dress. I was so worried because everyone was telling me the only way I could get one under 1000 would be second hand. I found one that we can afford that is perfect and brand new! Then, there is little things. Like we were having a little money issue and I wanted a date night! Well, I asked mom for a little loan and it turns out that I had almost 100 dollars I didn't even know I had!
God is just one hundred percent amazingly faithful!
This whole money sharing thing seems to come really easily. I love having someone to share stuff with. It isn't that I want to have his... not at all. I am just really enjoying being able to talk to Travis about it, decide things together. I like being able to hand him my money and know that he will take care of it. Or I love knowing that if I need anything he will take care of it. There will be so many wonderful things about the sharing aspect of marriage. I am really looking forward to that.
So I think that I found my dress. It is seriously absolutely beautiful. I was so worried abount money stuff, that I wouldn't find one that I like that I could afford! But yesterday mom and I went shopping, and this dress was hanging on a rack in the bridal boutique. It looked gorgeous so I tried it on. It is exactly what I had in mind. Absolutely beautiful. It has a fitted top, with laces up both sides, and a bottom that is just slightly poofy, and has little gathers in it. I fell in love with it. Esspecially when they popped a tiara and veil on my head. I still felt a little bit like I was playing dress up. They wanted to help me with everything! The dresses are heavy, so I wanted mom to come and do the zipper up for me. Instead the lady who owns the boutique came in and zipped it up! I was like " Ahhhh I've got skimpy underwear on here, lady!" But she didn't seem to care too much. Anyways, we will go shopping in Edmonton to see if I find something better. But... I have a funny feeling that's the dress.
God has funny ways of looking after us in every way you know. When I sit back and look at all the little details in my life, the stuff I didn't think God would care about.... that have been perfectly taken care of; I am absolutely amazed! First off, of course, there is Travis. God could not have possible given me someone more perfect for me. He is amazing. He fits with me, with my family... he has a firm faith in God, he cares about me so much. The list really could go on and on. Then there is his family. I was SO nervous to meet them! They are amazing! I want his sister to stand up with me! I am so excited! I love his whole family, each and every one of them! Then, there was the dress. I was so worried because everyone was telling me the only way I could get one under 1000 would be second hand. I found one that we can afford that is perfect and brand new! Then, there is little things. Like we were having a little money issue and I wanted a date night! Well, I asked mom for a little loan and it turns out that I had almost 100 dollars I didn't even know I had!
God is just one hundred percent amazingly faithful!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Havier
Writing a third time, really, does this mean that I am retarded or something?
I mean really! But something somewhat humourous happened, and I thought you all might find it interesting.
I am skipping school for the day tomorro, going with Heather tonight to a hockey game. I texted Travis while he was at work, asking if this plan would be ok with him. Apparently the T9 setting on my phone typed out heather as Havier. So when I didn't get a text back from Travis I phoned him, and the first thing he said was " Who's Havier? Who is this guy?" I laughed my head off.
The poor guy! He had thought that I was going with some random guy for the weekend! Like, what kind of horrible fiance am I? I let him know that I really meant Heather and I love him to peices and would never go somewhere with some random guy for a weekend. lol great scott of all things.
I mean really! But something somewhat humourous happened, and I thought you all might find it interesting.
I am skipping school for the day tomorro, going with Heather tonight to a hockey game. I texted Travis while he was at work, asking if this plan would be ok with him. Apparently the T9 setting on my phone typed out heather as Havier. So when I didn't get a text back from Travis I phoned him, and the first thing he said was " Who's Havier? Who is this guy?" I laughed my head off.
The poor guy! He had thought that I was going with some random guy for the weekend! Like, what kind of horrible fiance am I? I let him know that I really meant Heather and I love him to peices and would never go somewhere with some random guy for a weekend. lol great scott of all things.
venting while doing homework
Ahhh twice in one day. Perhaps for me writing is an escape from the harsh reality of homework. Lots and lots of homework. Not that I don't like looking up five million verses...
mmmmm I lied. I don't like looking up five million verses. It becomes drudgery. ultimate, sheer drudgery. And why would I want reading the bible to be drudgery?
So, as childish and immature as it might sound, I came up with a way to keep myself slighty motivated. I read a chapter in a book every time I get another one of the endless pages of homework done. It even works! I am one page away from finished! Hooray for me!
The book is kind of interesting. It's one on marraige ( go figure... and I AM NOT OBSESSED) ( see I am going crazy, now I argue with myself.) It's called daze of our wives and the writer is hilarious. It's wonderful to find some comic relief with a small amount of wisdom weaved in. So far it won't change my life... but it will give me a little break from the homework that is desperately trying to change my life.
I mean really, do I want my life changed? Maybe I am happy with it the way it is? Does no one realize that my life may have already been changed... and to have another large, 180 degree change would be a bad thing? Does no one think of these things? I mean, great scott, really!
So I found this quote that I liked from this book. " A great marraige is not when the perfect couple comes together. It's when the imperfect couple comes together, crazy for each other,and learns to accomodate, and even come to enjoy, thier differences." I like that quote. It eliminates the illusion that you have to be "perfect" or even " perfect for each other." I think that you need to have unshakeable committment and freedom to be yourselves... knowing that is safe with the other person. You need to have room to be imperfect... and you need to give the other person that same room.
mmmmm I lied. I don't like looking up five million verses. It becomes drudgery. ultimate, sheer drudgery. And why would I want reading the bible to be drudgery?
So, as childish and immature as it might sound, I came up with a way to keep myself slighty motivated. I read a chapter in a book every time I get another one of the endless pages of homework done. It even works! I am one page away from finished! Hooray for me!
The book is kind of interesting. It's one on marraige ( go figure... and I AM NOT OBSESSED) ( see I am going crazy, now I argue with myself.) It's called daze of our wives and the writer is hilarious. It's wonderful to find some comic relief with a small amount of wisdom weaved in. So far it won't change my life... but it will give me a little break from the homework that is desperately trying to change my life.
I mean really, do I want my life changed? Maybe I am happy with it the way it is? Does no one realize that my life may have already been changed... and to have another large, 180 degree change would be a bad thing? Does no one think of these things? I mean, great scott, really!
So I found this quote that I liked from this book. " A great marraige is not when the perfect couple comes together. It's when the imperfect couple comes together, crazy for each other,and learns to accomodate, and even come to enjoy, thier differences." I like that quote. It eliminates the illusion that you have to be "perfect" or even " perfect for each other." I think that you need to have unshakeable committment and freedom to be yourselves... knowing that is safe with the other person. You need to have room to be imperfect... and you need to give the other person that same room.
So I am continuing to enjoy "almost married life" while attending bible school. I still haven't heard back from Tim Hortons about the job that I so desperately want. It's not that I'm greedy, really, it's just that I need money. I suppose it has only been two... wait... one and a half days. I'm sure they will get back to me.
We decided to get this band for the wedding... I wasn't sure about the band idea but maybe that's because I haven't heard them yet. They'll cost us about 800, which really scared me... to the point where I was going to say no. But then everyone else says they'll be great and make it really personal. After all we only get to live this day once. So we are getting the band. I'm pretty sure that I am excited about this.
Today I picked up this book called " Men are like waffles, women are like spagetti." It's not that I feel like I don't understand Travis. I think I do. I'm used to guys. My whole life I have been the girl with all the guys. But maybe ( and this is probably wishful thinking) it will help me to understand what the heck spagetti ( me) is supposed to look like. I can only try. But maybe I am really weird and I am more meatballs than spaghetti. I guess I will find out.
We looked at some real estate in Lethbridge yesterday. I actually got pretty excited. It looks like we could get a cute little old two story house, with a claw foot tub and hardwood floors; with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, for about one hundred grand. That is a lot cheaper than anywhere else! That's exciting! I love old houses!
Well, I have multitudes of homework to try and finish. Up till now I have been ahead but today I have a headache and I slept through class instead of doing my homework while pretending to listen to the instructor. oops. No really, don't judge me. You'd probly do it too.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
relationship
So we are all snowed in. It's taking some adjusting to get used to school again. Actually it seems really boring right now. I've been too disciplined and have actually gotten everything done early so now I have nothing to do.
The whole relationship in CLBI thing is a little bit rough. Not that people are being difficult, on the contrary they are rather amazing. But really, it's hard to keep a balance between friend and community time, and time just being together and building our intimacy up. I guess each day is another adventure. Everything will change sizeably when we leave school and start working. I am living with his parents during the summer so that will be a growing, learning, wonderful experience.
Other than that, class has been interesting. Funny the little things that come to the surface that I relaize I need to deal with. For example, I had no idea that I had an issue with baptism until we started talking about it. I wound up crying, talking about whether or not infant baptism was right. I realized I had a hurt in my life from things that had been said when I was only six weeks old. Once I got that out and dealt with, I realized God will honor whatever we decide to do with our children, as long as we are honoring him. Like Andrew said, " You can eat pizza with a fork or with your hands, but your still going to get the pizza." Well said.
I guess I am trying to assess my relationship with God right now. I need to be more disciplined in spending time with him. He always meets me when I do. I am always enriched and never disappointed, yet sometimes I seem to postpone our meetings. Perhaps this is simply the work of the enemy. Most likely. God just never ceases to amaze me. Every time I dig in scripture I find something that encourages me, challenges me, and spurs me forward. How could anyone be so faithful?
So, amongst all of the joys of looking at wedding dresses, applying for jobs, running out of ink for my printer, and living with tons of adopted family... I am still getting to enjoy enriching my relationship with Jesus. Pretty exciting.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
officially engaged
Hey guys, I guess it's been a while since I have updated you!
I am officially engaged!
Wedding date is October 20th! We are getting married in Vulcan at the Evangelical Missionary Church. We'll have a dance afterwards at the CRC. I'm SOOO excited! We were kind of thinking that we would wait a while, but the more we thought and prayed about it the more it seemed right to do it right away. After I met his family ( and fell in love with each and every one of them), I knew even more how right it is. I loved his mom ( she's bananas, in a totally good way). His Dad is amazing and I love his sister and brother. Kolby is standing up with me. I'm really excited to have a little sister for the first time in my life. She's going to be sixteen soon, so I think that having a big sister type influence in her life will be a good thing. I know I appreciate Travis' influence in my brother's lives.
The official date of engagement was October 19th. We went and picked out the ring ( where is a secret everyone so stop asking), and he put it on my finger. Afterwards we realised that he hadn't proposed so we went outside and proposed on one knee with a sunset in the background. It was perfect.
So soon I will be Mrs. Schmeelke. It feels so cool. Weird a little bit. But really cool. I am so excited and so ready. It will be amazing. God is so awesome!
I am officially engaged!
Wedding date is October 20th! We are getting married in Vulcan at the Evangelical Missionary Church. We'll have a dance afterwards at the CRC. I'm SOOO excited! We were kind of thinking that we would wait a while, but the more we thought and prayed about it the more it seemed right to do it right away. After I met his family ( and fell in love with each and every one of them), I knew even more how right it is. I loved his mom ( she's bananas, in a totally good way). His Dad is amazing and I love his sister and brother. Kolby is standing up with me. I'm really excited to have a little sister for the first time in my life. She's going to be sixteen soon, so I think that having a big sister type influence in her life will be a good thing. I know I appreciate Travis' influence in my brother's lives.
The official date of engagement was October 19th. We went and picked out the ring ( where is a secret everyone so stop asking), and he put it on my finger. Afterwards we realised that he hadn't proposed so we went outside and proposed on one knee with a sunset in the background. It was perfect.
So soon I will be Mrs. Schmeelke. It feels so cool. Weird a little bit. But really cool. I am so excited and so ready. It will be amazing. God is so awesome!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
random update
So it's been fun being home. Not exactly a vacation, I'll readily admit. More like I have been working 11 hour days to try and have enough money for Christmas gifts! Hopefully everyone is happy with what they get from me. I still have work to do today but I am post-poning it for a little while ( Christmas HOLIDAYS, anyone).
It seems my family is as busy as ever, Klay is in Hockey school in Clive, Cody... well he just turned eighteen. The days here have both flown and crawled. The days when I have been home all alone trying to make bag upon bag of caramel popcorn ( oh yes, it will haunt my dreams for years, bags of caramel corn chasing me and trying to eat me) all by myself. The only thing that tried to trick my brain was a few Christmas CD's drawling Christmas Carols loudly throughout the house. Those only make you feel less lonely for a little while, and then you feel more lonely because no one is yelling at you to turn it down.
It's nice to have a bit of a break for absolute lack of privacy. Once again, no one ever comes in my room without knocking. That is a rule that most of the girls at bible school must have never been taught, what were their mothers thinking?
We leave for Vulcan the morning of the 24th. So my first real morning in Vulcan will be Christmas, which is a little bit scary. I'm trying not to let the tears come every time I realize I won't be home for Christmas. I'm a big girl I can handle it, right? I'm still really scared that Travis's family won't like me, even though he reassures me all the time that they will love me. I guess only time will make me feel better about this. I'm really looking forward to meeting his mom and sister, and I really hope that we hit it off. I have prayed for a long time that I would have a special commeradrie with them.
Still thinking about winter camp... I am seriously considering going home that week. Like SERIOUSLY. I think I will. I am just ALWAYS cold, and always sick, and that sounds like a recipe for disaster in my life. We'll see I guess but I doubt I will go. They probably won't even put me with Travis if I do go.
I CAN DRIVE A STANDARD NOW! Travis gave me my first lesson a while ago and now I can do it by myself! I wouldn't be confident in a big town but I can drive in the little ones just fine and that makes me pretty darn happy!
It seems my family is as busy as ever, Klay is in Hockey school in Clive, Cody... well he just turned eighteen. The days here have both flown and crawled. The days when I have been home all alone trying to make bag upon bag of caramel popcorn ( oh yes, it will haunt my dreams for years, bags of caramel corn chasing me and trying to eat me) all by myself. The only thing that tried to trick my brain was a few Christmas CD's drawling Christmas Carols loudly throughout the house. Those only make you feel less lonely for a little while, and then you feel more lonely because no one is yelling at you to turn it down.
It's nice to have a bit of a break for absolute lack of privacy. Once again, no one ever comes in my room without knocking. That is a rule that most of the girls at bible school must have never been taught, what were their mothers thinking?
We leave for Vulcan the morning of the 24th. So my first real morning in Vulcan will be Christmas, which is a little bit scary. I'm trying not to let the tears come every time I realize I won't be home for Christmas. I'm a big girl I can handle it, right? I'm still really scared that Travis's family won't like me, even though he reassures me all the time that they will love me. I guess only time will make me feel better about this. I'm really looking forward to meeting his mom and sister, and I really hope that we hit it off. I have prayed for a long time that I would have a special commeradrie with them.
Still thinking about winter camp... I am seriously considering going home that week. Like SERIOUSLY. I think I will. I am just ALWAYS cold, and always sick, and that sounds like a recipe for disaster in my life. We'll see I guess but I doubt I will go. They probably won't even put me with Travis if I do go.
I CAN DRIVE A STANDARD NOW! Travis gave me my first lesson a while ago and now I can do it by myself! I wouldn't be confident in a big town but I can drive in the little ones just fine and that makes me pretty darn happy!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
birthday...
Soooo tired.
It's 12:29 am and I am wondering why I am still on here. I got lots done today... I am trying hard to make some money for Christmas gifts! Today I thourally cleaned parts of the house, tidied the rest, made a big roast beef supper for a bunch of people and cleaned it up, did laundry, and did books. I guess it doesn't sound like much but I'm decently happy with it. Then I made mom her birthday letter. She loves those and I am generally the only one who makes them for her. I get to go buy her something for her birthday tommorro! Horray!
Good night all............. and no more bad dreams
It's 12:29 am and I am wondering why I am still on here. I got lots done today... I am trying hard to make some money for Christmas gifts! Today I thourally cleaned parts of the house, tidied the rest, made a big roast beef supper for a bunch of people and cleaned it up, did laundry, and did books. I guess it doesn't sound like much but I'm decently happy with it. Then I made mom her birthday letter. She loves those and I am generally the only one who makes them for her. I get to go buy her something for her birthday tommorro! Horray!
Good night all............. and no more bad dreams
Friday, December 15, 2006
Bad Dreams
Break!
At last, today I embark on break! That is, if everyone can figure out how to get me home! Eek! I might have to be a street person for the night! That wouldn't be much fun now would it?
So last night I had a dream that really frightened me. I dreamed that someone I really care about died. It was horrible! I have never dreamt that someone died before. The thing is it was just so real! I kept thinking in the dream " This has gotta just be a dream!" But then as soon as I thought that someone in the dream would show me that it was true. There were even medical facts and medical people involved. Then I was trying to find Travis and I couldn't, I was running aroung the school. Everyone kept following me telling me that it didn't really matter, it was God's will, and I was stupid to be so upset. I started running away from them as fast as I could just trying to find a place to be alone.
When I woke up Elli told me that I had been crying in my sleep. What could possibly have disturbed me enough that I would dream something like that? What is wrong with me?
At last, today I embark on break! That is, if everyone can figure out how to get me home! Eek! I might have to be a street person for the night! That wouldn't be much fun now would it?
So last night I had a dream that really frightened me. I dreamed that someone I really care about died. It was horrible! I have never dreamt that someone died before. The thing is it was just so real! I kept thinking in the dream " This has gotta just be a dream!" But then as soon as I thought that someone in the dream would show me that it was true. There were even medical facts and medical people involved. Then I was trying to find Travis and I couldn't, I was running aroung the school. Everyone kept following me telling me that it didn't really matter, it was God's will, and I was stupid to be so upset. I started running away from them as fast as I could just trying to find a place to be alone.
When I woke up Elli told me that I had been crying in my sleep. What could possibly have disturbed me enough that I would dream something like that? What is wrong with me?
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