movement

Moving! Its funny to me that I am writing this because I have prayed a few times that God would move us. It isn't that I am not happy where I am at all, in fact I have also prayed so many prayers of thankfulness for where I am as well. I have prayed for Gods will more than anything else. And I have always prayed for the best.

And now we are beginning the process of movement. Movement to bring a little more independant perhaps. Movement towards change. Movement in our lives and our family, because we think its best.

What's hard for me is the guilt. The more I examine it the more ridiculous it is. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. There is conviction but I have experienced both and the sensation of them is so entirely different. So the guilt is not from God.
I look deeper. Why do I even feel guilty? What is my enemy telling me? I hear dark voices say "this simple mo_ will tear your family apart. You are going to hurt your husband. You are pushing him into this. This isn't going to work. You should never have prayed for this."

Hmm. I shouldn't have prayed? Its funny how when I examine the enemies words instead of just accepting them, they make no sense.

Never once did I push travis into anything. I prayed for Gods will, and I told him my hearts cries. And you know, when I listen to his sweet voice, I hear him saying what he always says.

"you are so precious. I hear your heart and I will do what is best. Push away the self hating thoughts. You are a blessing to your husband. You are a beautiful gift. I will look after you. The pieces will fall into place."

Movement is good. Directed movement is far better, and that is what we are doing.

Emma

So its been forever... Then again I have a good excuse... A brand new baby takes up a lot of time! Intfoducing baby Emma Audrey Schmeelke, born June 7th 2008, five pounds five ounces. She is absolutely beautiful!

Its funny, you know, I thought that I knew what love is... But there is nothing in the world like the love of a mother for her child. It is like nothing I have ever experienced. It is amazing and intense. She us so much a part of me, and yet so much herself. Its like a tidal wave of emotion pours out of me every time I look at her, every time I hear her cry, every time I hear her laugh, or are her smile. I want to fix everything for her! Every boo boo, every heart ache, every sad moment;

I wonder as I look at her and clap for her four month old efforts, as I watch her roll over, or grab a rattle for the first time; I wonder what she will be like someday. I wonder who she will grow into at 2, 5, 8, 12, 16, 60? I am just amazed at ago she is already and she can't even talk yet!