farm girl soap

So, I guess I haven't written in a while. I've been pretty busy, in fact, taking a few minutes to write in my blog may just be a vast squandering of my time. . . but I am going to do it anyways. It looks like rain here before too long, which means that I will have to ride my colts in the rain. Ahh well, I'm not made of sugar, so I won't melt. I finally finished up the few last credits that I needed to, so I have a hundred of them under my belt. Wonderful. It is exciting, really. The most exciting part of it, though, is the horse that I got from my parents for a grad gift. She's three, never been ridden, purebred quarterhorse, chestnut, with absolutely perfect conformation. I am so excited to start working with her, she seems really trainable. She's a little pushy, but I can teach her out of that. I have another horse that I just started training, and I recently found out that we are selling her, which is kind of exciting because it means that I will make a fair bit of money that I didn't expect. Bonus!

Our brand new kittens have their eyes open now. The little orange girl is my favourite, but she has a bit of an eye infection, poor thing. We have to treat her for it.

Now, to add to my soap opera, my ex boyfriend, who has been beaten up by my dad twice now, has once again started dating his ex the girl that I found him in bed with shortly before I broke up with him. He spread a rumour that no one could tell me that they were dating because I might kill myself. Ha ha very funny. He most likely didn't want me to know so he would still have a chance to get in my pants. So, may long weekend, a couple weeks after my dad's fist flattened his nose, he broke his leg. Since then he has been living in a little town two hours away from his house, dating his little ' convenience girl.' But now his cast is off and he is still there, so I am wondering if he lost his job. He came into the shop where one of my best friends works to get his truck fixed. That may have been a big mistake. You never know what a mechanic's daughter could do to his truck!

PMS

So, Maybe my cheering actually did help the Oilers! I wasn't very loud, and I have absolutely no fingernails left, but we won, we won! The game seemed to be tied up the majority of the time, but that marvellous overtime goal. . .yes, Pisani will remain my hero; until the next game anyways.

I am sitting here, all showered and ready for my day. I have to finish up some courses on the computer. . . ech. I've got to pack for the camping trip I am leaving for tomorrow, and I have to finish that baking I mentioned earlier. It is still sitting on the counter, half done and a little sorry looking. Then I have to write a song for my cousin's bridal shower. Oh, yay. Not a single positive love song in my binder. GREAT. Tells you a little about my previous love experience, maybe?

But, best of all, are you ready for this? I have to do all of this with PMS!! Yes. Yes I know. The evil monster that likes to hang over us poor innocent women. It hurts. It bloats. Indeed, it sucks. Can we really be blamed for being just an ittsy bittsy on edge? I mean, I don't think I am too grumpy. . . although, some may disagree. Ah well, I suppose I have another forty years or so to figure out how to cope with it, cheerfully.

OK, Dear Friend...

So, I have been informed that I need to watch the hockey game. Even if they lose, I suppose that a devoted fan would have to be there to share in their unfortunate demise. Truth is, hockey is a Canadian game. True, at least half of the State's teams are Canadian, but they don't play for us. Traitors. For that reason alone, I hope that we can bring the cup home. True, I am not optimistic. But when my best hockey bud ( and, yes best all around bud) tells me that we may just win tonight, my pessimism dims just a little. So, with a lot of anxiousness in my heart, I will give up my cheer in hopes that it will help.

Go Oilers Go!!!!

My dreary day...

I don't know if I am the only one who finds this, but weather seems to affect the mood that I am in on any given day. Today, it is raining. A little dreary, yet, on a farm we always need moisture. For some reason when it rains I become a little bit lazy, my body seems to tire far more quickly than usual, and I have the vague feeling that I would like to just crawl into bed for the whole day. Of course,that isn't practical, not in the smallest sense of the word; so I find that I drag myself around, doing all of the things that have fumbled their way onto my ever growing to do list.

My to do list today should be interesting. I have to go empty my bank account to pay off a few debts that I have accumulated. Not exactly an overly stimulating thing to do on a Wednesday afternoon, but, when everything is paid off I know I will feel much better. I need to continue getting myself settled in on the farm, finding places in this little room to put my masses of stuff. Even a farm girl needs twenty pairs of stilettos. There are four fully grown men who share a house with us on a regular basis. They like to eat, therefore I need to do some baking and figure out something for supper. Suppers will be easier once we get our steer back from the butchers. There are three horses that I need to ride today, and one that I would like to put a little ground work on. That means one well broke horse, and three that I am attempting to turn into well broke horses.

So, now I have bored you both with the menial details of my day, and with the dreary prospect of today's weather. Dare I continue, and bring up hockey once more? I am a hard core Oilers fan. Well, you have probably figured that out by now. Unfortunately, even I do not look upon tonights game with great optimism. Carolina very well may simply be the best team after all. I may even work my horse ( in the rain) while the game takes place to spare myself the pain. Hopefully, they will surprise me, and I will regret missing it.

Time for bed.

Why is it that the moment I discover I am tired enough to go to bed,I realize that there are a million things I have not yet accomplished in my day? It just doesn't dawn on me until I am ready to close my eyes and fall asleep standing up.

Bible colledge

Did I forget to mention that I moved home? Home, being the place where I was born and raised. I was living in the city, I had a good job working with people who had developmental disabilities. I found out after a year of attempting to be what I considered 'independent,' that true independence is something that comes from one's soul,not one's circumstance. That seems like a simple enough conclusion, but it is not actually so easily made as one may assume. I was independent in every way, externally. I was doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it. I was earning my own money,living in my own house. . . but I was empty. Perhaps true independence is learning who we are, being comfortable with it, and embracing it. Once I did that, I was free to realize that I wanted to be on the farm, so I moved home. I was able to see that music and horseback riding are irreplacable loves of my life. I embraced the idea of accountability, realizing that it makes me like myself more. I no longer feel empty but fulfilled. I believe I have found my definition of independence.

So now I need to decide what step I want to take next. Further steps are always a dilema for me, because they involve planning, which breeds predictability. As we all know, I do not like predictability, but instead revel in the joys of a surprising day. In reality, however, predictability is somewhat important. So, do I want to go on to post secondary? Mmmm, perhaps; perhaps I want to go to bible colledge. I love music, and that would be a fantastic place to focus on music. Do I have too many wild roots in me to go to bible colledge without stirring up a little trouble? Yes, most likely. I have a firm faith in God, but I was raised rodeoing. I am not what anyone would brashly consider 'tame.' So, my dilema continues. My dear mother wants me to go to bible colledge. . . and really I would like to go to. My wonderful father encourages careful thought and wisdom before sinking money into something I may not use. I need to find out what is in the bottom of my heart, and go for it.

When I figure out what it is that I want to do, I will let you know.

Hockey

I was sure the oilers were going to pull through for us. Our last 5 nothing game, however, left me close to tears and very angry! It's amazing how intense hockey gets when it's personal. I will admit that the most intense game I ever watched was one that had my brother in it. The more personal the hockey, the more insane the fans. Then again,Midget hockey can have some pretty awful refs. Add anger because of favouritism to all of the other elements of hockey fans, and you have a catastrophic bomb about to go off.

Back to the Oilers. I was sad and disapointed last night when I went to bed. How could we lose so badly, and indeed play so badly? But, for the most part I don't think I was close to having a nervous breakdown. . . until this morning. All night i dreamed the game over and over, but instead of losing 5 to 0 we lost 20 to 0. It was like watching horror hockey highlights. Terrible. Truly terrible. Bergeron should be taken of the team.

So, now you've heard a lil' Alberta girl's ideas about hockey.

Do I know what I want?

Life is funny sometimes. It seems like mine is a soap opera, and it has been since the day that I turned fourteen ( well maybe not the day, but that was the year anyways). Love interests have fluttered in and out, the men that really want me bad, I don't usually seem to want. Of course there's lots of them that I do want, but once I get them, I'm not so sure that I want them anymore. So I drop them. Maybe I'm crazy... but I don't think so. For the first time in my life, I don't feel an all consuming desire to find just the right person. I am fine where I am at.

Maybe part of my new peace with myself comes from figuring out who I am. I was so busy trying to make the perfect man appear and fall in love with me, that I forgot to get to know myself. The moment I stopped looking, I found something I didn't expect. . .me. I am a farm girl. I love farm things, I love my horses, the cattle, the smell of a freshly tilled feild after a rain. I love the wide open spaces.

I went on a date with a guy who had soft hands, made me a wonderful supper served with flowers and wine, showered me with gifts and compliments. . . but it wasn't right. It just wasn't manly to me. Maybe i am the only woman in the world who feels like that. . . but I don't think so.