little things

Sometimes it's the little things in life that just lift my heart... or affect my mood, whatever it is.
I notice so many little things about people. Today, I went to the library and looked through the books that are weeded out, and picked five, which costed one whole dollar. Honestly, who could leave behind the chance to get a literary wonder for only twenty cents? I didn't, however, have change for the books.

" Happy wedding!" The librarian said with a big smile, only three months late, and popped a loonie in the drawer.

Made my day.

Just a little thing.

Then I started to think about when I am wandering around IKEA by myself, waiting for Travis to get out of the bathroom. I bumped into someone, smiled at them, and said " Oh, I'm so sorry! " With all sincerity. She looked at me, scowled, and walked the other direction. Then, I said sorry to someone else when I didn't think I had done anything wrong. Again, I got the scowl and saw the back of her head.

Had they had too many icky little things happen to them? I wonder if they just stopped caring, stopped enjoying the little things, like a cheerful apology from a complete stranger in IKEA.

I thought that perhaps, I should pay more attention to the little things. The smiles, the flowers, the sunsets. God does a million little things for me every day. And then, when someone cuts me off in traffic, hopefully I won't scowl in their direction.

fights

I think that confrontation must just be a part of life. Today I told someone that I thought there was a distinct difference between lovingly confronting someone, and letting anger festure inside, or even take over outwardly. I hope that this is true. It seems to me that God has been taking me on a long road of learning to confront lately. I think I am finally starting to get a little bit more comfortable with it.

It is interesting to me, because Travis has been telling me for a long time that I need to start confronting people when they do something that offends me, or what I believe. Maybe he was sick of hearing about how frusterated I was. Or maybe he had a point. He is supposed to be my spiritual leader, so there must be something to what he says.

It really has been a lot of things lately that God has been calling me to confront. what is interesting is that God has not told me to confront anyone in the same way as anyone else. Maybe that is one way to know that it is God. He is a good trainer. He knows our inner workings. He knows that what would make someone like me cry, just might make someone else think a little bit.

I have also been learning to leave the outcome up to God. Trust must be something that we continue to learn our whole lives, because God certainly does not let up in teaching me trust. Maybe that is because I haven't learned the lesson yet, or maybe I have come a long way but I won't 'be there' until heaven. First I started to learn to trust God with issues in my own life. Husband, ( bravo God), Children ( hurry up God... oh, wait, I trust you), house, ( bravo God) and other things, come to think of it, He IS pretty darn trustworthy. After I learned to start trusting God with my life, he started teaching me to trust him with others. I have always had a hard time because I have worried about hurting others feelings, offending them, saying the wrong thing, or making someone not like me. God is teaching me now to say what he wants me to say, and leave the outcome up to him. It's harder than it sounds.

Interesting that this little course of events came after God taught me about the abomination of tolerance. I truly am starting to believe that speaking the truth in love reaps beautiful results, including much more freedom in me than when I stew inwardly with my concerns and difficulties.

I really do think that a clean fight when added to a healthy resolution equals intimacy. And the resolution does not have to come from the person. It can come from God and build beautiful intimacy with Him as well.

imitation.

God has been directing my thoughts about marriage lately. I think that God has made marriage a collage of so many parallells. I start think about marriage, and i end up thinking about the christian life in general.

I was reading Ephesians 5. There are so many parts of being a christian that simply aren't convenient, and sometimes I think that we throw them away, toss them far from our minds, banish them to who knows where.

Verse one says' " Therefore be imitators of God as dear children." What a way to start a thought process. We are to be imitators of God. I think about the times that I get mad at Travis, or I "slip" and say a swear word. I think about the times that Travis gets mad at other drivers or flips off his boss. These are not Jesus moments. When we do this we are not doing a good job of imitating Christ.

Imitating God means that we have to be like him. Just like him. We have to strive to do what he does, think what he thinks, have the same opinions that he does. This is something we do in private, or in front of others. We don't really have to strive to be a wittness, we only have to strive to imitate Jesus.

Tolerance is something that seems to have found it's home in the christian faith recently. In fact, tolerance is preached everywhere by christians and non christians alike.

" Sure I heard that she was drinking and moving in with her boyfriend, but I wont confront her about it.

Hmm. Interesting. The funny thing is, tolerance is not supported by scripture. Verses 5 and 6 say,
Let no one decieve you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them.

This does not sound like tolerance to me. i am forced to examine myself. How often do I pretend not to notice sin. God hates sin. I am sinning by ignoring sin.How often do I excuse someone because I donèt have the guts to say that what they are doing is wrong.

Jesus was a complex man. Learning to imitate him will take a lifetime. I am so excited to get started.

life

It's late, or should I say early. I don't know what possesses me to work where I am nearing the end of my workday at five in the morning. I must be crazy. AT least I brought my laptop. Interesting the way I have a cup of nasty old coffee, a half eaten peice of pizza, and a notebook and I feel compelled to write in my blog.

Wisdom? Perhaps not. Who really knows?

We lost someone else today. I am so afraid that I will become hard to it. To death, to loss. It seems so strange that one minute we are hugging people's bodies, caressing them, kissing their foreheads, holding their hands... and the next day; the next hour, they are gone. Their bodies are void of themselves. They are a shell. Empty. Their body does not give them any sort of satisfaction any longer. They don't even care about it anymore.

I just walked out of the nursing station and found someone peeing on the floor. He just stuck himself out the door enough to ensure that the pee did not land in his room, but all over the hallway floor instead, running down it in a yellow stream. I told him to go back to bed. He said ok, and then did. Interesting. I really have to admit that it is interesting. I wonder, am I simply become a better nurse, or am I in some way becoming cold, becoming distant.
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But then I remember all of the kisses on the forehead, all the times that I have sang to them, all the times I have taken the time to make them tea. I am not cold. Perhaps I am just seeing life in one more way.

Makes me wonder how many ways God sees life.

washing feet

Sometimes I think that I am a morbid person. I don't think I really am... it's just that all of a sudden death is so close to me.

I guess death isn't close to me, personally, but all of a sudden I just can't ignore it anymore. It's close, not immanent, but close.

We've lost two people at work in the last two months. I was close to both of them. It's funny that you get so close to people who sometimes don't even remember who you are. Sometimes I really wonder about what causes dimensia. Every person that we have at work has some sort of story behind them, they were raped, they were abused... could dimensia be a stronghold running rampant? I really think so, because the more that I pray the more miracles I see.

We have one lady who is a vegetable. I have never even seen her lok at someone, let alone make any attempt to talk. One day I was changing her, and singing amazing grace. She looked right at me and said " Just keep singing." A miracle, right there.

We have one lady who really annoys most people. She scared the heck out of me when I first started. However, she talks about Jesus all the time. Finally I started praying for her, all the time. I started talking to her about Jesus, I started singing with her, praying with her, quoting scripture with her. I have never had trouble with her again. Now, when I walk in, she remembers me and gives me her prayer requests. Miracle in the works? I really think so. Not long ago she prayed for ME.

I know that life is a sequence of choices and opportunities. Maybe this is my opportunity to see what spiritual warfare on a whole other level is. Maybe this is my opportunity to wash the disciples feet, or their bums when they accidentally mess in their drawers.

I keep thinking of the scripture that says " If you give one of these a glass of water because they are mine, you surely will not lose your reward." and " Do not grow weary in welldoing." My job is taxing, but I really beilieve that it is where I am called to.

Washing the disciples feet.