marriage

I take thee, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I give you my promise.

With this ring, I thee wed, with my body, I thee worship, and with all of my worldly goods, I thee endow.

The book of common prayer, 1552.

The jewish marriage contract sounds like this, from the groom to his bride.

" Be consecrated unto me as my wife, according to the laws of Israel. I will love, honour, and cherish you; I will protect you and support you, and I will faithfully care for all of your needs." The bride then says to her groom, " In accepting this wedding ring, I pledge you all of my love and devotion, and I take upon myself all of the duties of a wife."

The closer our wedding comes the more I find myself thinking, " What is marriage?" And really, should I be able to answer this question best now, a month after I have said I do, or when we celebrate our 50th anniversary? What is marriage? Is it washing his socks for the rest of his life, buying him underwear when he runs out, ironing his shirts so he looks great as my cowboy? Is it delighting in cooking him meals forever, in washing the hair off the sink when he's done shaving, in making him cheesecake to fulfil his insatiable craving? Is it thinking of him before me when I go grocery shopping and buying more than just apples and yogurt?

There is so many chores to marriage. I see them already as a school going engaged couple. Soemtimes the frustrate me, but really, there is nothing that I would rather do than take care of him. I would never let any one take my place as the woman who makes his bed in the morning, strokes his head when he's sick, makes budget sheets with him, and serves him swiss steak.

Maybe that is the exact attitude that has something to do with marriage. Maybe that is what real love is. Live long enough and anyone realises that love is not comprised of attraction when the other person looks their best and butterflies in the stomach. Love is something of sustanence. Love is loving the other person when they are sick in a hospital bed and their head is blown up because of pain drugs. Love is when you say yes to doing something the other person wants to do, because they want to do it, even when you don't. Love is trusting the other person's decisions when you think you could have done better. Love is when you fight and yell and cry and never have a fear or a doubt about the other person's love or devotion for you. Love is walking hand in hand after a fight. Love is something you can only learn about when you're in it.

But i think to myself... that's only the beginning! The VERY VERY beginning. Then, is marriage about our first positive pregnancy test? When I still do his laundry and he runs to town to help my craving? Is it when I push our first baby out and he cuts the umbilical cord? Is it about the first time the little one says " mamama" or " dadada"? Is it about the first time we discipline, or when number two comes along? Is it about creating and raising miracles together?

or... is it about being united when they are teenagers? About standing strong as a united force?

or... is it about waiting till the grandkids come, and telling them stories, and still kissing in front of them when we are eighty, and we see the army of God that has been raised up just because we fell into love and married each other?

or... is it about dying, as the best of friends, knowing every thought and secret the other person has, knowing that we share the same God and the same major love, knowing that we are going to the same place........

or is it all of that?