Jericho

Ahhh. Walls. All of my walls are being broken down.
It hurts. It hurts in a good way, and it is certainly something that I prayed for, but it still hurts. All of those deep areas of my heart, the ones covered in cobwebs, Jesus and I are uncovering and dealing with.
I am getting clean.

I am learning so much about prayer. Jesus is so real, and I think when I ( or we, whatever) pray, so often we don't really SEE that God is there. There are so many more ways to pray than simply saying " Dear God, thoughts, amen." That is important, but there is so much more to it than that. Listening is so important. I have been learning to be silent, all alone. Silent in my heart as well as my surroundings, and inviting God to speak to me. Listening is amazing. If I don't listen for a while every day, I miss it miserably.
Then last night I learned a new way to pray. I was having trouble seeing where God was in some situations, I felt abandoned. There had been a hurt in my past that had set me up to feel abandoned by God when the situations seemed to declare it.

Lael and I prayed until two o'clock in the morning. I closed my eyes, and we asked Jesus where he was. She asked me questions to help me go all the way back to the memort, remembering smells, and all the little details. When I asked Jesus, I could see him. I could physically see where he was the whole time. He was always there. Praying with me to the father, grieving for me, protecting me. He never once abandoned me. That was such an amazing discovery! The more I realize how to use my sacred heart to see Jesus, the more time I can spend with him in that way, past and present.

Today I prayed with Pastor Kevin. We worked through a lot of muck that had been there. He was such a blessing to me in the way he prayed knowing what he was praying about. All of our giftings are so amazing and I have found that you can really tell which instructors "get it" with all of their hearts. Kevin really does. While we prayed he said that I had a gift of healing and teaching ( healing meaning in the heart/spritual/emotional sense) he said that I have a gift of knowledge of the word of God, and that it isn't anything but that, a gift! It's mine! I found that really exciting because that is all stuff that I want to cultivate in my life.

All in all, my walls are being crushed like Jericho, but it is amazing. It is worth it. Every minute like this is worth it.

I am really hoping that a few people ( mainly Heather) can come visit me here!!! It is so wonderful!