Trust and Peace

It seems that once again, I am waiting for the arrival of the child inside my belly. As the time for him to enter into the world draws near, I find it harder and harder to think about anything else. I have never been a surprise person... and the nine months of anticipation ( all the while growing more and more physically uncomfortable) are difficult for me! It's not like Christmas... I can't unwrap him just to wrap him up again and have no one know the difference!

I don't think I realize how much I struggle with trying to control my circumstances, until I am completely out of control. I have no idea what time, what day, what moment my child will announce with tiny lungs his entrance into the world. I don't know how my labour will begin. I don't know how long it will last. Contrary to the somewhat popular belief by women who have never actually born babies into the world, I don't even know for sure what level of pain relief I will need, if any. I don't know if I will need to go on the drip. I don't know if I will even get my doctor. I don't know how things will go once I have completed the most satisfying task that I could ever ask to complete ( pushed him out). I don't know if he will be jaundice, how well he will nurse, or really anything. All of my plans fail in the sight of his plan; and he simply keeps telling me " Wait on me, my precious child, it will happen in my perfect time." Hmm. Even that brings about nothing but blind trust... because who knows what his "perfect time" is?

All I know is that I can't wait for those first labour pains. I can't wait for the long, intense, painful, and beautiful journey of brand new motherhood once again. I long to hold his tiny body, and nurse him for the first time. I am looking so forward to kissing his perfect face, and calling him by name. My little Isaak Travis.

So... I wait. As I wait, I draw so close to my Jesus, because only his strength could ever sustain me right now. He is the one who can convince me that my swelling belly is beautiful, and that I am beautiful despite swollen ankles, eyes, and fingers. He is so good to me. I love that I get to put my trust in the one person that I know is entirely trustworthy. I get to trust the timing, and the fulfillment, of this time, to a perfect father, brother, friend, and lover, who I know has my best interests in mind.

This, in itself, gives me peace.